May 2, 2005

Bears Bounce Back

Offense rebounds in 11-5 win vs. Cubby Bear

By Emmett Fitz-Hume with Austin Millbarge

A ski-capped Jon Branham meditates to stay warm

WAVELAND PARK, CHICAGO -- It looked more like a scene from a late fall football game, as gloved and ski capped Bears took the softball field Monday night. Unusually chilly May weather had forced the Bears to bundle up and try for their first win of the season amid the unpleasant conditions.

On top of the weather, serious questions had been floating around Bears camp following last week’s abysmal opening game performance. The offense was nearly nonexistent, the defense was questionable at best, and Coach Buttermaker himself has seemed terribly nonchalant about his team’s lack of enthusiasm.

Additionally, a number of injuries and absences were already plaguing the team. It had been confirmed that Greg Liebbe, primed for a healthy return as the Bears starting third baseman, would indeed be missing the entire season due to what Buttermaker calls a ”priority” conflict.

Then news came late in the week that left fielder Brian Eby had mysteriously injured himself and would be missing a reported two or three weeks. Reports that Eby’s hemorrhoid had acted up again were unsubstantiated. Another rumor that Eby’s “injury” had something to do with his distaste for the Bird’s Nest was also unconfirmed.

Catcher Chris "Daz" Dowsett was excused from the team to be in London to continue the search for his wife.

“And his batting average,” chuckled Buttermaker.

Another concern was the whereabouts of Rob Peterson, a sideline institution the past couple years. Peterson, beloved by so many teammates and fans, is critical to the success of the team, according to Buttermaker, who is also the last person to see Peterson (at a karaoke event several months ago). The team remains hopeful “Fun Bobby” will someday return to amuse the Bears players during and after games with his uproarious shenanigans and generosity with recreational drugs.

With all these questions and concerns mounting, and the nasty weather lined up against them, the Bears somehow pulled together Monday night and actually looked like a team in contention after the impressive 11-5 win over Cubby Bear.

Third baseman Jeff Stewart and shortstop Tim Pearson in the cold

The Bears (1-1) made a statement early with a four run second inning to take the lead. They added two more in the fourth and then five in the seventh. The defense did the job in the field and the Bears essentially coasted to their first win of the season.

New regular right fielder Mark Kwilosz led the onslaught and continued his torrid pace with his second consecutive three hit game. Kwil was 3-for-4 with an RBI and is already giving the Bears some much-needed offensive energy.

Kwil has quickly bonded with many of the other Bears as he delighted them with his detailed accounts of what he calls “Alley Romance,” which describes a lovemaking event between two homeless persons he was fortunate enough to witness outside of his home recently.

Andy Nowak (and bat “Bodhi”) added to the offensive explosion with a 2-for-3, four RBI night, which included the first Bear homer of the year. He also had a double and a rare walk.

Nowak was also involved in perhaps the most entertaining play of the game. Similar to Jon Branham's awkward collapse into the dirt last week after a whiff on a pitch, Nowak disappeared into a dust cloud when he fell badly between third and home as he attempted to score. Nowak did emerge from the dirt to score on the play. He laughed off the incident and then beat up a reporter.

Nowak’s image suffered some damage in the press last week when it was misreported that Nowak was still retaining Dale Chung (a.k.a. “The Panda”) as his agent. Nowak in fact fired Chung late last season amid some well-documented money laundering allegations. It has been whispered that Nowak had two endorsement deals (Pepsi and Trojan) fall through due to his ill-conceived association with “The Panda”.

Six Bears total had multi-hit games including outfielders Steve Lopez (2-for-3 with an RBI and a walk) and Jon Branham (2-for-4, one RBI). The duo rebounded from their opening day misery and looked fairly credible in the field. Lopez also made a dazzling diving catch that reminded Branham of himself.

The double play combo of Tim Pearson (2-for-4) and Scott “the Scooter” Koch (1-for-4, 2 RBI) performed extremely well on the defensive end, collaborating on several nice plays, but still failed to complete the first double play of the year. Koch blamed the lack of double plays on his irritable bowels, and Pearson was still too consumed with Illinois basketball recruiting to care.

Jeff Stewart also had two hits in a 2-for-4 evening with one RBI. Stewart is now a full-time Bears for the first time, as he has agreed to permanently play third base with Liebbe out for the year. In another memorable play, Stewart was thrown out at the plate attempting to score when he had no business even trying.

Although he looked to be under the tag, Buttermaker privately questioned Stewart’s motivation, citing Stewart’s possible involvement in a point-shaving scandal in college.

Later, Stewart hoped the play would not affect his chances to make the ’06 Bears, but he has been assured a tryout will be conducted if necessary.

Bears Koch (2B), Mark Kwilosz (RF), and Devin Huber (P) get ready for the play

Devin Huber went 1-for-4 to continue his hitting streak, and did an excellent job shutting down the Cubby Bear bats with his brilliant pitching. Huber (1-1, 7.99) was exceptionally pleased with the team’s night and could be seen performing a rousing rendition of the Chief Illiniwek dance while nude in the showers. The dance has become a new standard of Huber’s after Bear wins. His nudity, though, will be consistent after wins and losses.

Newcomers Dale Glen and Jim Stewart filled in admirably for the missing/injured Bears. Glen had a 1-for-4 night with an RBI, and Stewart was the lone hitless Bear, but he did have a walk and hit several foul balls.

Later several Bears met up at Bird’s Nest, where drink flowed, laughter echoed and Nowak educated the team with fascinating tales of truth and myth regarding Poland during World War II.

The Bears should feel great about the win. The defense looked solid and the offense came to life. Buttermaker had a bit of an edge back. As the weather warms, hopefully they can rid themselves of those remaining questions and concerns like they did tonight and keep that quest for a second championship in ’05 alive and well.

NOTE: a foundation has been set up to assist in the search for Rob Peterson. If interested in donating please email the Bears website and put “Find Fun Bobby” in the subject line. Also, you can pray for the safe return of Peterson anytime at the Virgin Mary “water stain” image under I-90 at the Fullerton exit.

[Return to the 2005 news index]

BOX SCORE

Player	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	BB	K	SAC	BA
Lopez, Steve	3	1	2	0	0	0	1	1	0	0	.667
Koch, Scott	4	0	1	0	0	0	2	0	0	0	.250
Pearson, Tim	4	1	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	.500
Branham, Jon	4	2	2	0	0	0	1	0	0	0	.500
Nowak, Andy	3	2	2	1	0	1	4	1	0	0	.667
Stewart, Jeff	4	1	2	0	0	0	1	0	0	0	.500
Kwilosz, Mark	4	2	3	0	0	0	1	0	0	0	.750
Huber, Devin	4	1	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	.250
Glen, Dale	4	1	1	0	0	0	1	0	0	0	.250
Stewart, Jim	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	.000
Dowsett, Chris	DNP
Eby, Brian	DNP
Totals	36	11	16	1	0	1	11	3	0	0	.444

SCORE BY INNING

Team (Record)	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	Final
Bears (1-1)	0	4	0	2	0	0	5	11
Cubby Bear (1-1)	3	0	0	2	0	0	0	5

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