June 6, 2005

Back In The Groove

Bears get back to basics; improve to 4-2. “Fun Bobby” missing again.

By Mike Hunt

MARGATE PARK, CHICAGO -- On a gorgeous Monday evening, Chicago’s favorite softball team came ready to play. A combination of solid defense and hitting gave way to a big win. Bears’ sluggers posted 17 hits, just two shy of their season record, in route to a 18-6 win over The Replacements. Coach Buttermaker attributed the win to finally getting back to softball basics. “It’s easy to win when you score more runs than the other team”, said Buttermaker.

The Bears spread the wealth on Monday with eight Bears contributing one or more RBIs. The only Bear to go hitless was catcher Chris Dowsett (0-2, BB, RBI) who did have a sacrifice fly that drove in a run. Dowsett’s battery mate, Devin Huber continued his late season batting tear (2-3, BB, R, 3RBI). Huber, now tied for third in the batting average column, was quoted nude from the shower, “The big stick is BACK!”

Team insiders have cited rumors that Huber and leadoff man Steve Lopez (2-4, HR, 2R, 3RBI) have wagered on their final season batting average. Apparently, a miscommunication between Huber and Lopez’s interpreter has led to an internal feud. Lopez had been under the impression that the wager was over the final “season” batting average, including the playoffs. Huber’s understanding was that the bet covered only the regular season only, which would require Lopez to have a perfect day at the plate in next week’s game against Super Dudes in order to have any chance at winning. Speculation as to the terms of the bet has been rampant in the clubhouse. Sources close to the Bears indicate that one of Lopez’s underage brides may be on the block. A formal arbitration hearing has been scheduled to resolve the issue.

Also mixing it up with Lopez this season is Bear outfielder Jon Branham (2-3, 2B, BB, 3R, RBI). Lopez and Branham, who last year battled for the Bears batting title, have been fighting over the basement position on the average list this season. Neither of the two has to worry about that esteemed honor as Chris Dowsett has now taken up residence in the cellar, batting .357. Lopez now leads Branham in the average category by just 18 points with a few games to go.

Although they played a solid defensive game, the Bears middle infield of Tim Pearson (2-2, 2BB, 2R, RBI) and Scott “Scooter” Koch (3-4, 3B, 3R, 3RBI) failed at several chances to turn the season’s first double play. Koch and Buttermaker engaged in a brief spat during the game when the official scorekeeper ruled one of Scooter’s hits an error. Still, Scooter appears to have broken out of his early season slump and is now tied for 3rd with Huber at .500 on the average list. Pearson was frustrated at the plate on Monday night, forced to take two walks when The Replacements’ pitchers had difficulty finding the strike zone. “These f__ing guys! They’re afraid of me. Just throw me something I can get some wood on”, quipped Pearson after the game.

As usual, Bears’ first baseman Andy Nowak was unavailable for comment after the game. Nowak went 2-4 with 3 RBIs to raise his team-leading total to 15. Without the press support of his former agent Dale “The Panda” Chung, the recluse Nowak has been silent all season. Nowak’s famed bat “Bodhi” also declined to comment after the game, but was seen leaving the park with model/actress Eva Longoria.

Missing from the Bears starting line up on Monday were Brian Eby, Mark Kwilosz and Jeff Stewart. They were replaced with Tanner Boyle, Jimmy Bourne and Brian “Zeb” Zdeblick. Boyle (2-3, HR, R, 3RBI) played in his third game with the Bears and continues to be an offensive presence. Newcomer Bourne (2-3) redeemed himself at the plate after dropping a fly ball in left field. Bourne also proved his dedication as a Bear by making an all-out headfirst dive into an uncovered third base. Zeb (1-3, 2R), also in his first appearance as a Bear, contributed both at the plate and with his solid glove as the fill-in third baseman.

In other news away from the field, former Bear outfielder Rob Peterson (a.k.a. “Fun Bobby”) has gone missing again. Search efforts previously in effect before Peterson’s recent, short-lived, emergence have been renewed. Search parties are focusing on the Atlanta, GA area where Tony Robbins in hosting a conference on “How To Trick Girls Into Going Home With You.”

After the game, the Bears retired to the Birds Nest for a few cold ones and a bite to eat.

T.J. Hooker contributed to this article.

[Return to the 2005 news index]

BOX SCORE

Player	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	BB	K	SAC	BA
Lopez, Steve	4	2	2	0	0	1	3	0	0	0	.500
Pearson, Tim	2	2	1	0	0	0	1	2	0	0	.500
Branham, Jon	3	3	2	2	0	0	1	1	0	0	.667
Nowak, Andy	4	2	2	0	0	0	3	0	0	0	.500
Koch, Scott	4	3	3	0	1	0	3	0	0	0	.750
Huber, Devin	3	1	2	0	0	0	3	1	0	0	.667
Dowsett, Chris	2	0	0	0	0	0	1	1	0	0	.000
Boyle, Tanner	3	1	2	0	0	1	3	0	0	0	.667
Bourne, Jimmy	3	2	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	.667
Zdeblick, Brian	3	2	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	.333
Eby, Brian	DNP
Kwilosz, Mark	DNP
Stewart, Jeff	DNP
Totals	31	18	17	2	1	2	18	5	0	0	.548

SCORE BY INNING

Team (Record)	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	Final
The Replacements (1-5)	1	0	5	0	0	x	x	6
Bears (4-2)	3	6	8	1	x	x	x	18

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