BEARS 2002 FEATURE ARTICLES

• Bruised and Bloodied: Bears lose tail end of doubleheader; season ends; questions loom for '03       (July 22, 2002)
• Too Little, Too Late: Bears' comeback bid falls short, Bears' fall to 2-3.       (June 16, 2002)
• Shot Time!: Bears beat Windy City Drunks; back to .500.       (June 9, 2002)
• Bears Balled: 'New Look' squad loses opener.       (May 5, 2002)
• Pre-Season Press Releases       (April 3-22, 2002)

July 22, 2002

Bruised and Bloodied

Bears lose tail end of doubleheader; season ends; questions loom for '03

by Bruce Kimm

CHICAGO -- It's over before you know it. With the suddenness of a cold fall day, another season of Bears softball ended Sunday when the boys failed to rally in their second playoff game of the day. On what was probably the hottest day of the year, the Bears were forced to play two games, back to back, with another limited lineup. It didn't look good. But as they had all season long, the Bears played with heart and grit, every player giving all they could. But also typical of the year, the Bears couldn't muster enough hits when they were needed. The Bears ended their third season with a somewhat disappointing 3-5-1 record.

"It was the lack of offense more than anything this year," Player-Manager Andy Nowak stated from Northwestern Memorial Hospital after the game. "You can't teach clutch hitting. It's not like these guys are throwing off speed pitches, curves, slurves, and faches. They lob a softball in the air and beg you to hit it. I don't know what went wrong."

Nowak found himself on the receiving end of an errant throw to second base late in the first game. As Nowak was running to second, the ball hit him in the face, causing Nowak to leave the game. He valiantly returned to play in game two, and went 3-for-4 with 5 RBIs (ending the day overall 6-for-7), but he alone couldn't power the Bears. Nowak received eight stitches, and is listed in stable condition.

Nowak ended the season as the Triple Crown winner of the Bears, leading the team in average (.618), homers (4), and sharing the lead of RBIs with 19. Not a bad sophomore season for last year's rookie of the year, who also had major shoes to fill by taking on the vacated managerial position.

"I'm no Buttermaker, but I do take this sh*t seriously," claimed Nowak. No players disagreed.

Shortstop Bob Govoni was a bright spot of sorts for the Bears Sunday as he finally rediscovered that powerful stroke that won him the league MVP last season. Govoni broke out his '01 sleeveless yellow jersey for the occasion.

"I was looking for something to spark the old swing, and I think I found it," Govoni stated, jock in hand. Govoni had been under scrutiny all season for suspicion of steroid use and alcohol abuse.

Govoni ended the year with the team lead in hits (23), but only one home run in a year following his Ruthian season of '01 when he hit a mammoth 9 home runs coupled with 28 RBIs. He had thirteen RBIs this year.

"I'm not going to apologize for my season," Govoni remarked later before disappearing into the night. "Maybe I've been playing too much golf, maybe I drink too much, I don't know."

The much-loved former player-manager Tim Pearson (known to his loving fans simply as Buttermaker) also made a brilliant return to third base with the questionable absence of regular Chad Wiersema.

Wiersema apparently had endured a flat tire on his way to the game Sunday. There was speculation that Wiersema was fed up with the Bears and went AWOL. Pearson, however, filled in nicely, but sure took some additional heat at the hot corner, ending the day with several welts, bruises, and ball seam imprints on his arms.

"It takes me about seven minutes to change a flat, but that's just me," Pearson surmised. I'm happy to fill in, and hopefully next year will be a different story."

Wiersema could not be reach for comment. He will likely not be invited to spring training next year, though he performed strongly in this year of confusion.

Simply stated, the Bears bats couldn't keep up with the 12 Inch Balls. After the Bears took a four run lead into the top of the seventh, it appeared that maybe the Bears would hold on. But with two out, the Balls rallied, and ended up with a one run lead heading into the bottom of the seventh. Then the Balls induced an easy 1-2-3 inning, retiring Brian Eby, Brian King, and Devin Huber to pull the plug on the Bears championship dreams.

King, it should be noted, struck out looking.

"Sorry, it must be my fashionable cleats," stated King, who looked great in a retro plaid shirt with brass buttons and J. Crew retro sunglasses. King does not wash his hair regularly.

Both the outfield and infield turned in solid performances defensively. Both Govoni and Pearson made several tough plays on the left side of the infield, and the outfield foursome of Eby, King, Steve Lopez, and Jon Branham kept everything in front of them, and failed to drop any balls. The bottom line was the heat probably got to the Bears a bit in game two, whereas the Balls were rested and ready.

Eby, clearly affected by his sore hamstring, which has plagued him all season, addressed the heat and then some.

"It was hot out there," said Eby. "Get the f!#k out of my face."

Second baseman Scott Koch also turned in a fine performance, as did substitute Walter Fitz, who filled in by catching and playing first in Nowak's absence. Koch finished his first Bears season with a .417 average. Not the greatest, but not bad. Koch's habit of smoking during games irritated some of the other Bear players.

"I enjoy a good smoke sometimes during the game. What the hell's wrong with that? So last night I was looking at myself in the mirror…." rambled Koch from the locker room.

Fitz declined comment, but anonymous sources indicated he has dreams of being a Bear next year.

Pitcher Devin Huber also made a fine return to the mound after a week of unaccounted absence. Huber looked shaky at times, but did a tremendous job keeping the powerful Balls hitters off balance.

"A lot of people questioned my dedication to the team after last week and that's fine," Huber stated in all his nude glory. "For the last time, my house is in order, and I'm also ready to drink."

Huber finished the season with an unspectacular .250 average, but the Canadian continues to work on his swing with the determination of a grizzly. He is the lone Bear seen regularly at the batting cages.

This year, more so than any other, a lack of passion seemed to spread through the Bears camp. Regular attendance was a major issue. Playing on Sundays, breaking up quality weekend time was an issue. Busy schedules, weddings, birthdays, and first communions figured into the mix. Subs were necessary every game. No true practices. As the Bears get older, the team's success seems less and less likely. Many Bears find their priorities changing and domestic lives taking precedence.

Steve Lopez, known to many fans as the "married" Bear, seemed to sum up the situation.

"Well, I used to be single once, and things were different," said Lopez, gazing into the distance.

There will be many questions to address in the off-season. Will the Bears continue to play in Grant Park? On Sundays? Who will play? Will Pearson return? Will Eby's hamstring heal? The list goes on and on. It could effectively be the end of an era. Nearly all the Bears find themselves with significant others, with greater responsibility. Even longtime single guys Nowak and Branham have jumped into the dating game of late. But who knows. This crew always seems to find a way of sticking together and having a good time, and in essence, that's what the Bears are all about.

"I think the Bears will survive," an optimistic Branham added. "Softball is only one part of the Bear universe, you know, and we'll find something else to do soon."

A good point. After all, fantasy football is right around the corner, and the word on the street is that Govoni's got a great team.

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June 16, 2002

Too Little, Too Late

Bears' comeback bid falls short, Bears' fall to 2-3.

by Mike North

CHICAGO -- It was a beautiful Father's Day afternoon in Grant Park, and once again the Bears' bats failed to show up in a heartbreaking 9-8 loss to Bordo's, despite a four run rally in the seventh. Entering the bottom of the seventh trailing 9-4, the Bears managed to put together a rally to draw within one of Bordo's, but couldn't finish the job, leaving the tying run stranded on second base.

In what was arguably the Bears' best defensive game of the season, the offense couldn't hold up it's end of the deal, going scoreless in the first two innings and managing only two runs in each of the third and fourth innings before rallying for four in the bottom of the seventh.

Leading the Bears' offensive efforts were Steve Lopez and Chad Wiersema, who collected three hits apiece, and Andy Nowak, who had a two run homer onto Columbus Avenue in the fourth inning. Also adding two hits apiece were right-centerfielder Brian King, and subs Tim Pearson and Fitz.

But it was the Bears' usually woeful defense that kept them in the game, even turning the first double play of the season while narrowly missing out on a second. First time starting pitcher Oscar Cantu settled down after walking the first two batters he faced to pitch a good game in place of the absent Devin Huber.

"I had some first inning jitters, but settled down after that and found my comfort zone," the dejected Cantu offered, "I'm just disappointed with the loss…and because my batting average fell below .500. Damn, that sucks!"

Second baseman Scott Koch, wearing his trademark "Porn Star" hat, had this to say about the loss, "I can't believe we lost to those p*ssies, and I can't believe I didn't get a hit!"

The Bears know they must figure things out soon, as only two games remain before playoff competition begins. Coach Andy Nowak is left dealing with his team's 2-3 record, and must find a way to turn this season around. When asked how he would accomplish this, Nowak had this to say,

"We expect better of ourselves, so yes, it's a disappointing loss. But this team is continuing to gel, and we haven't played our best ball yet. Coming up a little short on a late rally is only going to help prepare us for the playoffs. Games like these, they are only going to make us hungry. And when a Bear gets hungry, he f***ing eats."

If the Bears want to make a run in the playoffs, they will have to share Nowak's appetite. Grrrrr.

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June 9, 2002

Shot Time!

Bears beat Windy City Drunks; back to .500

by Marc Giangreco

CHICAGO -- A cloud of uncertainty hovered over the Bears all week in lieu of their miserable error-laden performance in their previous contest. Finger pointing, name calling, and hints at possible lineup changes afflicted nearly every Bear all week as they prepared for the matchup Sunday against the Drunks, a formidable foe, given the nature of the Bears ability to give games away and generally play like doggie doo-doo.

As the Bears took the field at Columbus and Balbo Sunday, however, that nagging cloud mysteriously departed, and the Bears turned in one of their finest performances to date, as the beat the Drunks in a solid 10-7 performance before Wiersema's wife, and later, Jay Rodgers.

Figuring out these Bears is difficult, to say the least. Last week's misfortunes were miraculously this week's treasures. Ground balls being gathered. Accurate throws (for the most part). Fly balls being caught. Opponents' base hits limited to singles. Communication on the field. Timely hitting. And even Brian Eby's groin injury didn't seem as bad.

"All it takes is that first sprint and it's aggravated again," Eby complained later in regards to his infamous injury.

Eby turned in a fine 1-for-3 day at the plate anyway, and contributed flawless outfield duty in left field.

"I feel like my groin is telling me, 'Oh no! Pay it, pay it!'" laughed Eby in the direction of a chagrined Brian King.

Bear Brian King, Eby's roommate, could be seen cringing at the comment, as it is well known his resent for the phrase. King also showed he still has a little chutzpah in his bat with a 1-for-4 day and a fine job in a fairly quiet right field. King's work ethic has been questioned in recent weeks, but he defended his case.

"I've been spending a lot of time on those Ramen Noodle ads, and now I'm back to being dedicated to the team. Does anyone want to go to Danny's?" King was later seen eating several banana muffins.

The Bear outfield, a source of displeasure with many infielders last week, played fabulous defense Sunday. Outfielder Steve Lopez, cutting it close, was nearly a late scratch. Lopez had apparently hosted a party the night before, and was last seen passed out on his couch downstairs as the party continued without him into the late evening hours. When Lopez arrived on the scene Sunday he had a bottle of milk with him. Clearly, it didn't look good.

Fellow outfielder Jon Branham thought he'd have a long day ahead of him.

"When I saw Lopez show up with that bottle of milk, I was worried, because I was hurting a bit too. Thankfully, he proved me wrong, and we got the job done. I still think he should have had that ball last week that fell between us, by the way, but that's past."

Lopez was a surprising leader of the barrage against the Drunks, compiling a stellar 3-for-4 outing and a fine day in right center.

"Look, I got a wife, I got a condo, and I had a party last night. I do my job on the field and at work. What do you want from me? Anyone up for cards later?" questioned Lopez, to which he did not receive an answer.

Another source of optimism for the Bears was the play of newcomer Scott Koch (pronounced COOK, not COCK or COSH). Koch had been questioned by manager Andy Nowak when Koch left Nowak's bathroom Sunday morning smelling like a Yeti. Koch obviously was not affected, and garnered a 3-for-4 day himself with 2 RBIs.

"It's great to be out there contributing," stated Koch, sporting a 'Porn Star' cap. Rumors swelled that Koch was planning on smoking a cigarette while batting if the Bears opened up a ten run lead. "I feel like f#cking Yoda," was Koch's only response.

As for shortstop Robert Govoni, he still continues to be pressing a bit at the plate. The power from last year's home run king seems to have vanished, perhaps from this year's inducement of testing players for anabolic steroids. However, Govoni still leads the team in batting average with a scintillating .647 clip.

"I'm not on the juice, I've never been on the juice. This (muscle) is all natural," Govoni claimed following the victory, removing his protective cup simultaneously. "The homers will come. Maybe I need the aqua undies, I don't know. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to play good ball. Attica! Attica!"

On the mound, pitcher Devin Huber was masterful for the first four innings before giving way to Oscar Cantu, who hoped to get in some practice before getting his first pro start next week due to Huber's anticipated absence. Huber used the umpire's passive ceiling to his advantage, shutting out the Drunks through three of his first four innings.

"I had my good stuff today," a nude Huber mused from the locker room. "I still don't know where my new Bears jersey is however." Huber continued, referring to the fact that he still wears last year's yellow uniform.

Cantu also looked fairly impressive for the final few innings, allowing only three runs to cross. Cantu, a strong early season hitter for the Bears, was the lone hitless Bear Sunday, but he's not worried.

"The swing feels good, I just have to straighten it out," Cantu stated, perhaps in reference to his habit of hitting the little house next to the field at least once a game with a foul ball. "That's a funny little house, isn't it?" replied Cantu in a moment of reflection.

Third baseman Chad Wiersema continued his strong performance at the plate, going 2-for-4, but committed two throwing errors that he insists aren't the norm.

"This isn't going to be a Chuck Knobloch sort of thing. It's not psychological," warned Wiersema. "It's the hot corner and I'm doing the best I can. You try playing third with a bottle of Jim Beam in ya'. Just kidding."

Player-manager Andy Nowak couldn't help but like what he saw Sunday. Much of the team gathered at Govoni's apartment after the game and Nowak watched as several Bears shot gunned beers on Govoni's balcony.

"After a win, I don't mind if the guys shotgun. I'd have done one myself, but I did one last night with Lopez," Nowak stated. Nowak additionally showed no sophomore slump indications as he went 1-for4 and kept his average at .500.

It's hard to tell which Bears team will show up from week to week, but if the defense holds up and the hits keep coming, things could be looking up for the Bears. Perhaps the most unfortunate note from Sunday was the revelation that the bat many of the Bears used and loved, was stolen last week. And so as the Bears search for a new bat, and work on finding their new identity, life goes on in the world of the Bears, a complex, often frustrating world, but always fun.

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May 5, 2002

Bears Balled

'New look' squad loses opener.

by Marc Giangreco

CHICAGO -- As day broke on a beautiful Cinco de Mayo Sunday in Chicago, hope sprung eternal for the team known as the Bears. Several unexpected changes had created an off-season of questions and confusion. The surprise loss of loveable Bear player/manager Tim Pearson, commonly known as Coach Buttermaker, started the shakeup. Then there were the additional losses of Bears Brian Hofmann and Chris Dowsett, who were also adored by many Bear fans and teammates. Finally, many weeks of uncertainty passed as the team wondered if they would even be able to field a complete team.

But as the problems and kinks were worked out and the season drew near, a sort of optimism took hold among the Bears in spring training at their lone practice. There were still seven returning veterans. Injuries had healed. There was the new corporate sponsorship of the Red Lion Pub. And the hope of new blood bolstering confidence.

After it was all said and done, the Bears lost 14-8 to the 12" Balls to usher in the new era of Bears softball.

Shortstop Bob Govoni started the game off inauspiciously as he booted the first ground ball hit to him.

"First game jitters," quipped Govoni. "I can't let that get in my kitchen like the bobble head Sammy Sosa did. I really need to focus on being a cool customer this season and things will work themselves out."

Govoni later also fouled up a pop up, but probably should have been called off by the centerfielder Jon Branham, who couldn't help but watch Govoni fall in vein attempting the catch.

"Funny thing when that happened," stated Branham, who couldn't finish his comment as he was in a mad rush to get out to the suburbs.

The real story of the game wasn't the Bears errors, but the Balls power and accuracy with their hitting. Outfielders Branham, Eby, and Lopez got the majority of the workout as the Balls hit Devin Huber early and often.

Huber claimed the umps were not giving him enough height on his pitches.

"The (ump) wouldn't let me get in a zone, and yeah, that affected the way I pitch," a nude Huber mused. "There's not a whole lot of consistency with these guys (the umps). Now if you'll excuse me, I have some drinking to do. Hair of the dog, fellas. Hair of the dog."

The Balls put a seven-spot on the board in the 4th inning to take a 12-4 lead, after which the Bears never really recovered.

The Bears only had two extra base hits, and both were courtesy of second base fill-in Jim Nudera, another dental school student, who absolutely crushed the ball in his 3-for-3 performance at the plate.

"I'm just happy to help," explained Nudera. "I usually don't like to give up my Sundays, but it was fun."

Govoni defended the addition of a third dental school student to the team.

"Everyone knows there's no hidden agenda. If there was, there would be people like Bunsri and Nitu out there. Now let's be serious."

Govoni did continue his annual tradition of removing his cup in public, for those few interested.

Five Bears chipped in multiple hit games, including Oscar Cantu, who was hampered by injury for much of last season.

"It's an honor for me to contribute the way I knew I could," said a tearful Cantu. "As a Hispanic on Cinco de Mayo, it's really hitting home."

Cantu also confirmed privately his switch of allegiance from the Cubs to the White Sox.

Another bright spot of sorts was that three more Bears added a hit apiece and newcomer Chad Wiersema was among them, as he also added a walk and two RBI to compliment his near flawless effort at third.

"I knew I had some big shoes to fill, and I've heard a lot about Buttermaker," said Wiersema. "I mean, he's a legend, but I feel like I'm cut from the same cloth as Govoni and I'm ready."

The lone hitless Bear was right fielder Brian King, though King could not be accused of bagging it.

"The only thing I bag is chicks," chuckled King. "But seriously, I see a lot of potential on this team, although I'll miss Hof. He sure liked his Guinness."

King did not wear socks on Sunday, it should be noted.

Leadoff hitter Steve Lopez, also a Hispanic member of the Bears, felt some pride despite the loss.

"It's always nice to give something back to the community that's given so much to me," stated Lopez with uncertain meaning. "My ethnicity is something I'm proud of, even though I don't speak Spanish. I do subscribe to Hispanic Business Weekly, however."

Leftfielder Brian Eby was still relishing the feeling of getting a cab from Barrington to Chicago for a mere $50 Saturday night following a bachelor party. Eby did notch a strong defensive effort in the field as well.

"It was great, really," said Eby of the (cab) experience. "Now I just need to get my damn tooth fixed." Eby has had a chipped tooth for some time now.

New Bear player/manager Andy Nowak is not worried.

"Chipped teeth, sore arms, tired legs, cloudy heads….they're all part of opening day," summarized Nowak, who earned all-rookie honors last season. "I think once we get the uniforms we're really going to start coming together."

The Bears are still looking forward to the debut of Scott Koch, who was in Mexico on holiday, and could not be reached for comment. Rumors have swelled that the young Koch is in high spirits and looking good, mostly due to his enthusiasm associated with the approach of the new Star Wars film.

Well, it's an off-week for the Bears next Sunday due to Mother's Day, so we'll have to wait and see how the Bears fair in their next outing. Certainly, the Bears will have to beef up the hitting attack if there's any hope of advancing in the playoffs. But it's still early. They say Rome wasn't built in a day.

But perhaps Devin Huber summed up the entire situation when he said, "We've been building this Rome for three years."

Time will tell. The Bears next game is at 11AM on Sunday, May 19th at the corners of Columbus and Balbo.

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Pre-Season Press Releases

4/3/2002 - Recently the Bears learned that player/manager Tim Pearson (aka Morris Buttermaker) will be stepping out of the dugout for the 2002 season due to scheduling problems. Pearson will remain with the organization as Marketing/PR Director, and has not ruled out the possibility of making on the field appearances in a substitute role. He also has not ruled out the possibility of making off the field appearances at the Bears' favorite watering holes in a postgame celebratory role. In his absence, former bench coach and current first basemen Andy Nowak (aka Lou Brown) will be taking over managerial duties.

4/4/2002 - Still reeling from the unexpected loss of third baseman Tim Pearson, the Bears front office has learned today that Chris "Daz" Dowsett will also be sitting out the 2002 season. Chicago still loves you, Daz, and hopes to see you back in a Bears jersey in the future. Contract negotiations continue with holdout Brian Eby, while free agent Brian Hofmann and his European representation, Eileen, have been silent the entire preseason. An anonimous source close to Bears management has hinted that the Bears may be adopting a "hard-line policy" towards free agents and holdouts in the near future, as to leave ample time to scour the farm system for replacements before opening day. This will be a tough decision to make, the source added, seeing as "the Brians" are fan favorites.

4/5/2002 - The Bears and Brian Eby have agreed to contract terms for 2002. Details are hazy, but it appears that the incumbant starter and fan favorite in left field will be returning to the Bears clubhouse under the pretense that he may miss a few games to play soccer (a sport in which the use of hands is strictly prohibited... forcing each player to become unusually good with their feet).

4/8/2002 - Over the past weekend, Brian Hofmann officially cleaned out his Bears locker and retired from the sport of softball. "It was one hell of a run," said Hofmann through a Guiness moustache. The Bears front office is sad to see the fan favorite go, but reminds everyone that Brian Hofmann has made his mark in Bears history, and his legend will grow on. You will be missed, Hof. However, through the tireless scouting efforts of Bob Govoni, the first of three planned aquisitions was made. The newest Bear, Chad Wiersema, brings with him the lethal combination of college baseball experience and a love of dentistry. Wiersema was plucked from the free agent market after several teams passed him over, amid speculation he would leave the game to pursue the dental profession on a full-time basis. The Bears are considering this latest move a feather in their cap and extend a sincere welcome to Chad. They also wish to inform Chad that the entry fee for each Bear is $92.50.

4/9/2002 - Earlier today, the Bears signed their ninth player - Bucktown native Brian King. King is known for his sound fundamentals and antics on and off the field. When asked if impressions would be part of his arsenal King replied, "Hey, batter, batter. Swing, batter," in his Eby voice.

4/22/2002 - On 4/20, the tenth and final Bear was signed for the 2002 season. Scott Koch graduated with an undergraduate degree and put ink to his Bears contract on the same date, kicking off a day of celebration for the newcomer that was cut short only by overindulgence in alcohol. "It was a banner day. 4/20 will always be special to me, and I will celebrate it at every opportunity," said Koch during a rare moment of clarity. "It was graduate first, softball later... until Saturday. Now, it's all softball. It's softball all the live long day." Spring workouts are set to begin this weekend, April 27-28, at the Bears' North Ave training facility. All Bears are asked to give their preference of a Saturday or Sunday practice, and are encouraged to put in some time at Sluggers on Clark for batting practice and midget wrestling.

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